Openers
1. Lightnings flash across the room. The door creaks as Shawn opens it. “We shall camp here for the night. It’s raining heavily and there is no way we can find a way out this forest…”
2. The strong waves die on the shore and Tim is walking with a limp under the sunset. He looks around him and realise that there is no one except him in this island! Oh no! He is trapped on this deserted island. Suddenly, he hears a rustle in the bushes…
3. The leaves on the ground rustle as the cold wind was blowing. “It’s so empty and cold here. Are you sure Tim is here?” Joanne whispers with a weak voice…
4. May kneel down in front of June, crying and plead for forgiveness. She was overwhelm by guilty and she slit her wrist in front of June because she has seduce her best friend’s boyfriend…
5. John limp into the hospital, hand bleeding profusely. His right hand is holding on to his chop off left hand. The patients in the hospital are totally flabbergast by what they see…
6. “Hey! Look at that castle! I remember seeing it somewhere!” Selena squeal with delight. Selena and David are on their way to experience a never experience before thrill…
7. Tom punch Jerry on his stomach and Jerry fell to the ground moaning in pain. “I won’t let you off!” Jerry shouted with a weak voice. “Wait another 10 years, or wait till the cows come home! You will never beat me!” Tom reply with a smirk…
8. Jane fall into the sea with a loud splash! Mary shouted, “Help! Jane can’t swim!” However, it is all too late when someone realise it. Jane had already drown…
9. Vanessa push Joanne down the stairs and Joanne screams at the top of her lungs. Then, Joanne’s head hit the railing with a loud ‘bang’ and blood starts to flow like a broken tap…
10. The fire crackle. Joleen lay besides Wayne who is groaning in pain. He had been shot on his leg while escaping from the riots. Wayne was running a high fever, which could be cause by the wounds he have…
11. “We want freedom! We want freedom! We want freedom!” the civilian shouted with one voice. The are unhappy with the treatment they are given…
12. Paul strangles Jimmy in his hands and shouted, “I am the ironman! You can’t beat me!” and throws Jimmy on the ground, leaving him lying unconsciously…
theredpants said,
April 28, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Your openers tell too much of a story. Openers are supposed to be intriguing, to make readers want to read more. So when you have an opener like Number 8, it tells too much of the story that as a reader, even though I haven’t read the rest of the story, I will try and be smart (as all readers do) and say “yeah, I’ve heard this before” – and then you’ve lost your reader. So the point is, give a little, it will get you a lot more. Give everything, you’ll get nothing in return.